Great question. Take a walnut and rub it into the legs of your table. That’ll mask the scratches. Next thing you want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless. Come to the gala. Next caller.
Grapes of Wrath, chocolate chip ice cream, and Johnny Cash.
Don’t trust big banks or small banks. Banks are Ponzi Schemes run by morons.
Your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely.
What ever happened to, “Hey, I have some apples. Would you like to buy them?” “Yes, thank you.” That’s as complicated as it should be to open a business in this country.
I’ve seen three movies in my life. Bridge on the River Kwai, Patton, and Herbie: Fully Loaded. My girlfriend’s kids love it. It’s pretty funny.
Swanson (via lifepiledonlife)